Why guys won’t date me (and I won’t date them back)

My brother and I talk about the most random things. One day we could be talking about the best cereal to eat in the morning, then we’d end up talking about the politics in the Philippines, or what books we should be reading to the favorite pretty face we see on film. Yeah, I guess we could be shallow and crazy and deep sometimes.

But that’s not all we talked about. Being the weird dolt that I am, I often ask him the weirdest out-of-the-blue questions. I think he’s getting used to it, but it still surprises him sometimes.

One time, I asked him what most guys would theoretically think about me and why they didn’t ask me out (it’s partially because it’s interesting as behavioral theory, but also because I’ve always been curious about how a guy would potentially respond to my overall Sheree-ness).

He laughed then said “It’s not gonna be the best story…but at least you know you’re better off without these guys anyway.”

So, here goes, why guys wouldn’t date me – according to my brother:

1. I eat a lot… Probably too much for a girl.
I knew it. I knew this was going to be included in the list in one way or another.
According to bro, the guy might start worrying if he has enough to support my black hole of a stomach… Especially on a first date. And if we do go out on more dates, does that mean I’ll end up emptying the fridge or competing with him for that extra bowl of rice? Things are looking bleak.

2. I’m too open…and closed
According to bro, most Filipino guys are used to dating girls who try to be reserved at first. These are the girls who wait for the guy to ask them out first or who will act pakipot before expressing they really like the guy.
Filipino guys are used to dating girls like these so they know how to woo and approach them.
Little olé me? I’m a bit more expressive and open about myself than these girls, which make some guys think it’s easy to approach me…
But when they do, they realize I won’t give in so easily. This confuses them because my being open was what they were kinda hoping for…

3. I’m a feminist and I speak my mind.
A girl who’s opinionated intimidates some guys. That’s just how it is for some of them. Dealing with a feminist who openly speaks her mind makes it all the more difficult for some.
Questions like “Am I gonna offend her if I do or say this?” or “What if I accidentally make a sexist comment without meaning to?” will just make it more uncomfortable.
For the record, I probably will call you out on it if you do make sexist comments, accidental or otherwise.

4. I believe in expanding gender roles
And some guys just don’t know how to deal with that at all…
Some guys would insist that girls should act more like other girls and insist that guys have to be a certain way in a relationship. Personally, I think guys and girls should just be able to do whatever they want in the relationship so long as it’s respectful to the needs and feelings of the other person. No one has to dictate the other. But what do I know, right?

5. I’m too idealistic
Can’t argue with this one.

6. I’m too cynical

Well, I guess if put this way, this kinda explains why some guys won’t ask me out.
This is, after all, theoretical and hilarious. There is definitely some truth in it and there is definitely a basis.

But you know what? It’s fine.

I wouldn’t want to date guys like these anyway. I don’t think I could tolerate having someone make pre-judgments about me and my quirks. I don’t think it would be easy to talk to someone who would be intimidated to talk about gender roles with me. I could still try, but if he’s not interested then okay.

Also, I’m quite sure most guys aren’t like that anyway. I definitely know lots of guys who are more open minded and who don’t mind if a girl is assertive or if she speaks her mind. I know that there are guys who would love it if the girl knows what she wants and she’s not afraid to express herself.

So it’s okay.

It’s okay if I eat a lot or talk too much.

My friends could handle my being me. I’m quite sure someone out there will also be happy to get to know me (and all my Sheree-ness) as I’m going to be happy to get to know him in all his him-ness…funny quirks and all.



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