Katawa

Yesterday, I heard the saddest sound. T’was the loneliest
I’ve ever heard. No, it wasn’t some melancholic love song. It
wasn’t even a tune. But it bore a strangely familiar timbre. It was
a laugh – the saddest, loneliest laugh. I’ve probably heard it
before. But…yesterday, Yes, yesterday, I heard the saddest. No
sound is louder than the echo of loneliness. No music as lonely as
the song of self-pity No weight as great as that of regret And no
burden as heavy as a heavy heart. I heard it once. I’ve probably
heard it before. But I hope I truly do hope to never hear it again
The sad laugh of an aching heart That lonesome regret of time gone
past The loneliness of an aging father How often have we all wished
that time turned back and just stood still.

Pagtanggap (Acceptance)

O, sige; tahimik nalang akong uupo rito

habang niyayakap ang mga alaala mo,

at iyayakap ng mahigpit sa aking dibdib

ang pitong kutsilyo ng sakit.

Sinarado ko ang tarangkahan gamit ang susi

at binulong sa hangin,

“Di na ako dapat bumalik pa dito.

Dahil sa umaapoy na langit

nakatingala tayo.

Ang musika, at ang patak ng ulan.”

Ngunit, may mga dapit-hapon din, sa mga kakaibang bubong,

at ligaw na musika sa gumagalang hangin

at tungog ng umaalingawngaw na patak ng ulan

sa malumbay na kalsada –

kaya tahimik nalang kaming maupo rito

sa may tarangkahan na muling nakasara

Kaming tatlo, tabi-tabi –

Ako, ang mga alaala mo,

at – dahil, kailangan – ang sakit.

Original Poem by: Paz Marquez Benitez

Translated by: Me

If I could

I have a story,

but I couldn’t write it.

My words would only fail me.

“This is the story…”,

My lines would always start,

but an end, oh well, there can’t seem to be.

I want to make my own story

full of magic, wonder and love

of tales of friendship and values,

morals, failures, stories from God above

I want to tell a story

endowed with suspense, mysteries and hate.

Of a man plagued by questions of death.

Of a girl who can’t leave her fate.

I want to make these stories

and send them so far along.

I want to touch more people

to see through their hearts

and find which emotions do belong.

I want to hear the world shout.

I want to hear the world cry.

I want to see each emotion

– fill it up and answer why

“Why does the heart falter?

Why does it bleed?”

But deep inside all I really want

is to share my stories

and wonder,

just wonder

whether with these stories

someone would bother to read..

Arigatou

In case you haven’t noticed, I’m ironically a sentimental
person.

I always try my best to keep and treasure the gifts given
to me – regardless of who or whatever the reason the gifts were
given for.

This time, I was flipping through the folder where I
kept some of the wonderful letters and drawings I received when I
was younger. And when I opened it…I don’t know. There were just
too many emotions I couldn’t contain.

Right here, in this folder are the memories I’ve kept hidden for a really long time – feelings
I have long forgotten or thought to have long lost. Some gifts were
the firsts, some were the lasts – but all of them were special.

Each gift had a story to tell. There was the first song, the first
letter, certain poems, a short story, dried petals, etc.

I can’t believe I’m going sentimental. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ It’s just, I can’t help but think
of those could-have-been’s and what-if’s. I regret to say that
there were friendships long lost and wonderful strangers who shared
a small part of their life with me in spite of the fleeting moments
we had together.

I know you’re all out there somewhere. Thank you so much…for everything.

These gifts aren’t only special because you gave a part of yourselves to me, but because we all knew that
despite the distance, despite the short time we have been together,
we knew we shared something special.

These gifts will always remind me of those wonderful conversations, the annoying yet memorable
“arguments”, those sudden attacks of philosophical wanderings, and all those random experiences that have made us all laugh and cry (and may still do). Thank you for everything. You’ve become a wonderful part of my life that I will always be grateful for. I look forward to the moment when fate and time would allow our paths to cross
once again.

Until then, thank you.

Ramblings of an insomniac

6:50 AM

What a wonderfully fine day. People in their school and office uniforms busily walking along Mendiola, each of them getting their healthy dose of vitamin E; cars busily going through early morning traffic; the smell of whole-roasted coffee and the after-smell of newly eaten pandesal – indeed, it’s a very fine morning.

I rarely experience mornings like this. In fact, I hardly ever.

Being the night owl that I am, the usual “morning” would be waking up to the heat of the afternoon sun and eating a full brunch at 2PM. I hardly ever get to wake up or sleep early that it’s turned into a habit.

This day, however, is different. Let me start with the intro I planned for this article…

*Drumroll!

I’ve always wanted to start with ‘Last night, I had a dream…’. Finally, that opportunity has come…

NOT!

That dramatic dream intro will have to work for a future post – but definitely not for this one! Why? Because I never dreamt of anything last night. In fact, I never slept at all. The Sheree typing this post now is just a hollow shell – deprived of sleep & utterly senseless.

My soul is currently floating away to some dreamland while my body is stuck between consciousness and unconsciousness – a weird form of real-life limbo.

And all because of my black hole of a stomach and my rebellious phone.

You see, my normal sleeping time usually starts at 2am to 12Pm (sometimes 1pm). Sometimes, when I feel overactive, I get to sleep at 5 to 6 am, then make the most of my sleeping the whole day. I hardly sleep for less than 10 hours, so you could hardly call me unhealthy. As I said, late sleeping has become a habit and my body has gotten used to it.

What my body fails to get used to, though, is missing a meal. My stomach would go crazy if I fail to eat regularly with my usual diet of 1 rice, 2 meals, & 1 snack for at least 5x a day. I’ve never had bouts of extreme stomach rebellion due to food deprivation, so I was utterly bewildered that after a few snacks and a full dinner, my stomach cried out in hunger in the middle of my trying to sleep.

Worst, I was craving for a full meal at 2 AM!

You have no idea how difficult of an ordeal it was for me. McDonald’s – the nearest fastfood chain – hardly ever sold full meals during that hour AND my stomach was demanding for a 2-piece chicken meal with rice and fries! Can you imagine? I can’t even bring myself to leave the dorm because our poor old guard looked so tired. I didn’t wanna wake her up just so I could eat. Most of all, I can hardly move because of the pain.

So, I just sat in my room, pretending to ignore my stomach’s cries for food. My body has started to demand more from me simply because I was so tolerable to its demands – tolerable to its selfish gluttony. Guess it forgot the definition of a normal full meal because it demanded another full meal just 4 hours after we ate dinner. *sigh! Gosh, I need to control my intake from now on. Blame it on the over-tolerated metabolism.

So, while I was pretending I didn’t hear any of my stomach’s selfish cries for unnecessary food, I tried a lot of distractions (except studying – STUDYING IS NEVER AN OPTION). Among which was listening to decent music on my phone.

Crappy bloody hell. *insert overly offensive cuss word/s here

It blinked twice and shut down abnormally. I would have forgiven it – if I didn’t have phone lock turned on and my f****** keypad wouldn’t let me type a single letter decently. Naturally, I can’t fully access my phone. When I finally did – the menu tabs went crazy and I can’t open any application. Talk about a shitty phone. *exasperated sigh

So, there. Despite decent attempts to sleep properly, my body simply didn’t allow it. And I got stuck at looking at the ceiling for I don’t know how long.

By 5 AM, I finally thought, “Crap! I’ve waited long enough. If eating is the only way I could sleep, then I’ll f****** eat.”

And, here I am. Eating the heaviest breakfast meal McDonald’s could serve: a hashbrown, omelette, rice, coffee and some meat. It hardly constitutes breakfast, so I had to order again.

Darn! If this rant couldn’t get any worst – some idiot tried to flirt with me while I was eating. He was all lame asking for my number and where I was studying, stuff like that.

Seriously! You do not mess with me when I’m hungry. Nothing pisses me off than a lame excuse to flirt.

If I wasn’t so hungry, I wouldn’t even be wearing shorts outside the dormitory at this time of day.

Well, I guess Mr. A**h*** learned his lesson. I doubt he’ll be flirting with pissed-off, hungry girls in the wee hours of the morning, anymore.

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Sorry if this post doesn’t make any sense. Sorry if it’s full of unnecessary rants. I just got so pissed after being unable to sleep. LOL! Hope no one reads this at this time of day.